so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
