he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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