is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
