Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
