My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize