i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
