he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
