sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize