he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
