I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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