the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
