If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This baby is an asshole
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
