On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize