mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
