So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
