he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
