My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
