I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
