thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
