so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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