Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
