He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
