the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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