forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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