Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
