Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
