before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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