I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize