you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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