you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
