the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Mom said you looked used
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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