My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
