Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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