Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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