Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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