Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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