I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
