Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
