I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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