I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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