I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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