All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize