During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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