I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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