she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
