whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
