can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize