people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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