then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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