dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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