please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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