Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
