Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
