I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
