She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
