I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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