Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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