sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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