butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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