im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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