I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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