She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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