also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
