I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
