What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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