just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize